sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
