If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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