i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
She needs sedatives and a leash
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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