whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
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I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
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i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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