It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
