Got a toothbrush?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
