I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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