it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I intend to get homeless drunk
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
