Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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