I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
