Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
