And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
my liver is dry heaving
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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