You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
