she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
