And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
