Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
