It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
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