why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He keeps bees of course he's weird
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
