I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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