I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
