I am puke
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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