Is it because I queefed?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize