My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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