We're facebook friends in real life
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
