I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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