brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
