he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
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