Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
