do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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