hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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