Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
