After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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