well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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