and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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