How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
