The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
