Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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