I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
