suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
