Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Dick very happy bro
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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