I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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