This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
