it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
