having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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