Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
