Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
