After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
mondays should just be called national damage control day
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
