have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
