Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
