so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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