Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We have started to decorate penises.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
