i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
