Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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