she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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