The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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