I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize