Buhtt sex?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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