she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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