I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
where are my eyebrows?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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