if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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