I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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