She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
