I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
