There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
