I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
