pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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