I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Randomize
