Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
