Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
