I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
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It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
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Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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