Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
jump out the window naked night went bad
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