at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
