i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
