just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
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on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
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Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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