At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
