No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
