I didn't shave. On purpose
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
