so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
