But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
