I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
